Avraham's Finest Hour?

I heard a question this past Shabbos that gave me pause. Rabbi Kupfer spoke at Adas Torah on Friday night and he asked as follows.

Why did Avraham wait until his wife died before purchasing the Machpelah Cave? He clearly knew what he wanted (cf. 23:8-9); according to the Midrash he had known for years that the Machpelah Cave was the burial site of Adam and Chavah (cf. Baal HaTurim to 18:7). Wouldn't the responsible thing be to buy it in advance? What would Avraham do if Efron was out of town when Sarah died? In short, why wait?

This is an excellent question that I have never heard anyone ask before.

Rabbi Kupfer explained that the Machpelah Cave was a very sacred site, on the border between Heaven and Earth. Avraham and Sarah would not be worthy of it before Avraham passed the ten tests. He therefore did not buy it before passing the Akeida - which happened to coincide with Sarah's death.

I believe there is a simpler answer.

The Talmud in Sanhedrin (111a) (quoted by Rashi Shemos 6:8) reports Hashem's sharp response when Moshe complained:

What a shame for what is lost and no longer extant! ... I told Avraham "Get up and travel the length and breadth of the land for I will give it to you" (Bereishis 13), [but when] he searched for a burial site for Sara and couldn't find one for less than 400 silver shekels he didn't question me.

According to the Talmud in Baba Basra (16b), even the Satan was impressed:

Master of the World, I have wandered the entire earth and I have not found another like your servant Avraham.You said to him, "Get up and journey through the land, its length and width, for I will give it you..." (13:17). But when he wanted to bury his wife he couldn't find a place to bury her! Yet he didn't question you.

(The Ramban makes reference to this Gemora in his final comments on this episode and, in his commentary to Avos, Rabbeinu Yona counts the burial of Sarah as Avraham's tenth test.) 

This explains why Avraham never bought the Machpelah Cave - it would have demonstrated a lack of faith in Hashem's promise to give him the entire Land of Israel! The very fact that in the end Avraham was forced to pay for it and yet didn't question God was, in the Satan's view at least, Avraham's finest hour.

Curb Your Enthusiasm?

In Parshas Chayei Sara we have, to all appearances, a classic example of "Hashgacha Pratis," divine providence. Upon arrival in Charan, Eliezer asks God for a sign: He will ask a girl for a drink, and if she offers water to both him and his camels that will be proof positive that she is destined to be the wife of Yitzchok. And then, "even before he finished speaking, and behold! Rivka was coming out..." (24:15).

But yet, things are not as biblical as they seem. Just a few verses earlier the Torah informs us that Eliezer arrived at the well "in the evening, at the time when women go out to draw water" (24:11). Now, had the Author consulted with the good editors at Artscroll, He surely would have left that line out. It kills the story dead! Here we are, trying to tell an inspirational story, the key element of which is the extraordinary timing of Rivka's appearance. Did we really have to mention that Rivka was coming out anyway because it was water drawing time?!

But this is the way of Hashgacha - it is never as extraordinary as people would have it, but that makes it more amazing, not less. Yes, it is true that Rivka was coming out anyway - she always went out to the well at that time of day - but was it just a coincidence that Eliezer happened to arrive at that spot at precisely that moment?

In other words, Hashem orchestrated this encounter before Eliezer prayed for it! By telling us that Eliezer arrived in Charan "at the time when women go out to draw water," the Torah is identifying an event of unilateral Hashgacha. Although it certainly appears as if the timing of Rivka's walk to the well was a divine response to Eliezer's request, his prayer actually had nothing to do with it at all. (Indeed, the Talmud says it was wrong of Eliezer to be looking for signs from Heaven, cf. Taanis 4a.) This is what the Torah means when it says, "...even before he finished speaking, and behold! Rivka was coming out." The meeting was preordained and Eliezer's request was irrelevant. Eliezer could have - and should have - left it to Hashem to guide him to the right girl, just as Avraham promised back in Chevron (cf. 24:7).

The source of Eliezer's problem can be found in his misunderstanding of his master's words. When Eliezer questioned the wisdom of his mission, Avraham tells him that Hashem would send an "angel ahead of him" that would see to his finding the right wife for Yitzchok (24:7). Indeed, the extraordinary timing of Eliezer's arrival was divinely orchestrated. The Midrash says that Eliezer arrived in Charan the same day as his departure from Israel, a distance of approximately a four hundred miles, by way of a miraculous k'fitzas haderech, "jumping the road" (cf. Rashi 24:42). This wormhole was undoubtedly built by the angel referred to by Avraham, and it was designed to bring Eliezer to the well in Charan at the exact moment that Rivka was walking towards it. As Avraham foretold, an angel was a step ahead of Eliezer making all the necessary preparations. But Eliezer didn't understand this. He thought his discovery of Rivka was due to his prayer, and when he tells the story to her parents he quotes Avraham as saying that Hashem will send an "angel with him" (24:40), not "ahead of him" as Avraham had actually said. 

Yes, we must pray for all our needs. And yes, Hashgacha Pratis is happening all around us, all the time. But maybe it's a little presumptuous to think we can always get an accurate read on how God is running His world.

In Search of a Matriarch

In this week’s parsha, Avraham decides it is high time for his son to get married. After all, Yitzchak is pushing forty. Instead of doing the Jewish thing and yelling at him to get married already or introducing him to a nice Canaanite girl, Avraham sends his butler Eliezer off to his old hometown of Charan to find Yitzchak a wife.

Eliezer is understandably confused. He asks the obvious:

What if the girl does not want to come back with me to this land? Shall I bring your son back to the land that you left?

Bereishit 24:5

Before he schleps across the Middle East on a camel, Eliezer wants to make sure he’s not wasting his time. He knows it would be a whole lot easier to make a shidduch if the girl could just meet Yitzchak first. Who is going to agree to marry a man sight unseen? Eliezer makes a reasonable request. Let me take Yitzchak along.

Avraham says no. And he explains why.

“Be careful! Do not bring my son back there! God, the Lord of the heaven, took me away from my father’s house and the land of my birth. He spoke to me and made an oath. ‘To your offspring I will give this land.’ He will send His angel before you and you will take a wife from there for my son.
“If the girl does not want to come back with you, then you shall be absolved from my oath. But do not bring my son back there!”

24:6-8

It's a passionate speech, but what does it mean? Is Avraham saying that Eliezer is guaranteed success because God will intervene and send an angel? No, Avraham didn’t say that. In fact, after mentioning the angel, Avraham’s very next sentence is this: “If the girl does not want to come back with you, then you shall be absolved from my oath.” Clearly then, there are no guarantees. So what exactly is this angel going to do? (cf. Rashi 24:52) And why can’t Yitzchak go to Charan? In short, how has Avraham responded to Eliezer’s legitimate concern?

In order to understand Avraham’s response, we need to think again about Eliezer’s question. Eliezer was worried that the girl will not agree to come back with him to Israel; but the truth is, there is a bigger question that needs to be addressed first. What kind of girl are we looking for? How is Eliezer to decide who is right for Yitzchak? All Avraham said was to find someone from “my land and my birthplace” (24:4). No further instructions were given. How will Eliezer choose?

This problem does not seem to concern Eliezer. Eliezer is confident in his ability to find the right girl, for he has devised a little test that he implements as soon as he arrives in Charan:

He prayed, “O God, Lord of my master Avraham: Be with me today and grant a favor to my master Avraham. I am standing here by the well, and the daughters of he townsmen are coming to draw water. If I say to a girl, ‘Tip over your jug and let me have a drink,’ and she replies, ‘Drink, and I will also water your camels,’ she will be the one whom you have determined for Your servant Yitzchak.

24:12-14

The very first girl that Eliezer approaches is none other than Rivkah herself and, to Eliezer's amazement, she passes his test with flying colors (24:15-27). If you think about it, this test, which was Eliezer’s idea, was entirely unnecessary. Avraham was right. God’s angel saw to it that Rivkah was the first girl Eliezer met. There was no need for a test to find the right girl.

This is what Avraham was telling Eliezer. You will find the right girl immediately. Forget about your test. There is something else we need to look for.

“God, the Lord of the heaven, took me away from my father’s house and the land of my birth. He spoke to me and made an oath. ‘To your offspring I will give this land.’ He will send His angel before you and you will take a wife from there for my son.”

God didn’t really “take” Avraham away from his father’s house. God told him to go and Avraham chose to listen. Avraham listened even though he did not know where he was going: “Go… to the land which I will show you” (12:1). Avraham had faith and Avraham went, and in the merit of that mitzvah God said, “To your offspring I will give this land.”

The path that Rivkah must tread is the one that Avraham and Sarah had traveled – the road that they journeyed in following the will of God. It was that path that led to their destiny as the chosen people and is therefore the road that leads Rivkah to that same destiny.

R. Yitzchak Twersky, Amittah Shel Torah, pg. 94

In other words, what Avraham is saying here is that in order for her to merit the blessing of Israel in her own right, Yitzchak’s wife-to-be must pass the test of Lech Lecha. Now we understand why the local girls are out of the running.

This is no ordinary marriage. To enter Avraham’s family and become a matriarch, Rivkah must sacrifice all on the altar of monotheism. Her love for the One God must drive her to abandon her pagan family forever for an unknown fate with an unknown man, just like Avraham abandoned that same pagan family many years earlier for an unknown land. All Rivkah knows is that Yitzchak fears God. That should be enough. If the heroic Yitzchak were to show up at her door in person, there would be no test here at all.

Eliezer and Avraham were looking at this shidduch project from very different perspectives. Eliezer thought it was his job to find the right girl and bring her home, and he just couldn’t figure out how he was going to convince someone to marry a man she never met. But Avraham knew that God, not Eliezer, would find the right match for Yitzchak. Whether or not she would come to Israel had to be Rivkah’s choice, uninfluenced by anything other than the faith of her own heart. Even Yitzchak himself could not be the determining factor.

God orchestrated events and took the Jews out of Egypt only because of the merits of Sara, Rivkah, Rachel and Leah… [The Exodus was] a reward for Rivkah, who, when asked if she wanted to go with the man [Eliezer], said, “I will go!” (24:58).

Eliyahu Rabba 25

It is understandable that Eliezer, the faithful student of Avraham, was looking for a woman of chesed, loving-kindness (cf. Rashi to 24:14; compare 24:44). Avraham, however, was searching not for a chavruta for himself but for a wife for his son Yitzchak. Avraham wanted to see gevurah, strength, determination and sacrifice. While it turned out that Rivkah had plenty of both chesed and gevurah, ultimately, Avraham was right. Rivkah’s legacy to her people is not her chesed to camels but her gevurah for God. She is the paradigm of a woman who has the inner strength to drop everything and say, “I will go!”

Seeing Beyond

Posted by IshbitzForever

When she (Rebecca) finshed giving him (Eliezer) to drink she said, "I will draw water even for your camels until they have finished drinking."

Bereishit 24:19

The Talmud relates the following story:

The saintly scholar named Nachum Ish Gam Zu was laying in bed near death. He was blind and was missing his arms and legs. The ceiling of his decrepit home was creaking and began to crumble. "Remove everything from the house," Nachum told his gathered students, "then remove me - for as long as I am in here, my merit will prevent the ceiling from collapsing." The students did as their Rabbi instructed removing all utensils from the house. They then proceeded to carry the bed of their rabbi outside. The moment they were clear of the house the entire ceiling fell in.

The students asked, "Rabbi, if you have such merit how did it come to be that you lost your eyesight, your arms and legs?"

Nachum Ish Gam Zu said, "Let me tell you the story. I was once riding on a camel ladened with packages, and a poor man approached me asking for food. I got off my camel and proceeded to unpack to reach the food, but by the time I got to some the poor man had dropped dead of hunger. I was heartbroken and I said, "G-d, for my eyes not looking closely enough and seeing how hungry this man was, let me be punished by losing my eyesight. For my legs not moving fast enough to get down from the camel, let me lose my legs. For my hands not moving swift enough in unpacking, let me lose my hands" - and so it came to be. That is why you see me as you do today."

My friends - as Jews we are required to look around us. Not a casual glance, but good hard deep look. When we see an elderly person, we must wonder how they manage and ask if they need help with anything shopping, cleaning, cooking. When somone comes into shule and looks sad we must ask if they are ok, and follow up if something is wrong. This is true for countless situations. We can not pretend not to see, and when we do see we must open our hearts and look deeper.

Rebecca, although Eliezer simply asked for water for himself, she looked deeper and figured that for whatever reason he wasn't able to draw water for himself, so what will be with his camels? Not only did she not look away, she looked deeper!

Tears

Posted by IshbitzForever

Sara died in Kiryat Arba which is Hebron in the land of Canaan; and Abraham came to eulogize Sara and to cry over her.

Bereishit 23:2

Whether through anecdote or adjective, when eulogizing, we use words to convey ideas about the deceased. We attempt to describe to the assembled who the deceased was as a parson and who they were to us. We pay tribute, give thanks and ask forgiveness. We hone in on lessons learned, and pledge not to forget.

Words however can never describe the piece of us that dies along with that person. The part of us to which only our beloved had the key, making us who we were. An entire dimension of our being lost forever. For this loss there are no words. The heart and soul's private loss can never be expressed - bystanders only see the evidence of this inner hell - the sobbing and tears.

The Talmud states "A woman dies only to her husband." The difficulty with the statement is obvious, what of children, parents and friends - do they not feel the loss?

According to Jewish tradition the husband and wife are really one.

This idea is not only expressed in Kabbalistic writings where we are taught the souls actually unite to form one complete soul - but reflected in matters of practical law. One tiny example - Just as one is required to rise and stand in the presence of a Torah scholar so to one must stand for his wife, the Talmud states the reason as "Ishto K'gufo" - "His Wife is like his Own Body."

A good woman is the light in a man's life and can inspire and help him be beyond what he could ever have been alone. She soaks into his being - she fills him - with a sense of beauty, magic, mystery, encouragement, hope, and strength.

When the Talmud tells us that "a woman dies only to her husband" - it means no one else dies along with her in their entirety like her husband, who has lost his entire being.

This last week my Rosh Yeshiva, my dear teacher, lost his wife after seven long years of cancer. Although I haven't seen them together but for the briefest of moments - I could get a tiny glimpse of what she meant to him during the Shiva. Their amazing relationship reflected in his anguished silence and streaming tears. It broke every heart. A brilliant man, lost and in a hell no person can save him from - we his students could only look on helplessly.

Abraham eulogized Sara, he said what he could put into words to the crowd, but then there were only tears.

A prayer for my Rabbi - "May G-d Console You Together and Among All the Mourners of Zion in Jerusalem." - Amen

Spiritual Self

Posted by IshbitzForever

"Rather to my land and to my family shall you go and take a wife for my son Isaac."

Bereishit 24:4

According to tradition, Abraham's father was so cruel that it was he that handed Abraham over to authorities to be thrown into a fiery furnace for rejecting King Nimrod as a god. It was the very family which G-d commanded Abraham to abandon that Abraham now sought a wife for his son. Puzzling.

The same can be asked of Issac himself, who sent his son Jacob to marry from "family" as well - the daughters of Laban - a liar, a thief and a worshiper of idols.

The answer is quite simple. In the eyes of G-d we are not credited for what we are given, but for what we achieve on our own.

Abraham is associated with the attribute of mercy - for although he displayed tremendous strength as exhibited by passing ten trials - among them the "Binding of Issac" - Abraham's father had displayed similar strength, as mentioned earlier, by offering his son Abraham to his god, Nimrod. Abraham inherited this quality of strength, it was only the attribute of mercy that he acquired on his own to which he was credited as "his attribute."

It was precisely because Abraham knew of the cruelty of his family that he sent Eliezer there.(See Midrash of how Rebeca's family was only motivated by greed, and even plotted to kill Eliezer.) The girl that grew up surrounded by cruelty, and still blossomed into a icon of generosity, can truly be defined by that attribute.

The same could be said of Jacob - the man of truth. To find worthy spouse - his father Isaac sent him to the house of the most selfish thief and liar. It was there he found a woman, Rachel, who was willing to give up her husband to her older sister. Her charitable heart was clearly of her own work and making.

In the service of G-d we are all obligated to use everything we are given, but we are defined by what we acquire on the lonely battlefield of our hearts.

Just Do It

Chayei Sara contrasts two events, one tragic and one joyous. First we have the death and burial of Sara and then we have the story of how a wife was found for Yitzchak. The contrast is striking, but the differences go well beyond the obvious.

When Sara dies, Avraham needs a burial plot fit for royalty. Engaging himself in the search for and acquisition of the Machpelah Cave, Avraham must negotiate with the sleazy Efron. Undeterred, he pays top dollar to honor his deceased wife. In this story, Avraham is a man of action.

When it comes to finding a wife for Yitzchak, the storyline is quite different. Instead of Avraham taking the matter into his own hands, he sends his servant Eliezer to act as his agent. Avraham remains passively at home. This is strange. Eliezer was not sent to find a tomb for Sara – Avraham took care of that himself – but to find Rivkah he sends Eliezer?! Shouldn’t the choice of the next matriarch require more personal discretion than the choice of a burial plot?

This is no minor question. One thing we know about Avraham is that he hates to delegate his mitzvot. Nephew taken captive? Avraham leads his men into battle. Heat wave? Avraham sets up a free lemonade stand. Commanded to kill his son? Avraham saddles the donkey. When a mitzvah presents itself, Avraham is there. He does not write a check nor send a stand-in; he rolls up his sleeves. This kind of behavior is not some kind of extravagant righteousness practiced by the holy Avraham; the Halachah itself endorses it. “Rabbi Yosef taught: A mitzvah performed personally is greater than one performed through an agent. As we find Rav Safra singed the head [of the animal] and Rava salted the fish [in preparation for the Shabbat meal]” (Talmud Kiddushin 41a). (Indeed, in the rare instance that Avraham does delegate a mitzvah, there are negative consequences. Cf. Bereishit 18:4-7, Talmud Baba Metziah 86b.)

So why does Avraham opt out when it comes time to find a wife for Yitzchak? The Torah provides the answer:

Avraham was old, well advanced in years… and Avraham said to his servant… (Bereishit 24:1,2)

The answer is really quite simple. Avraham sent his servant Eliezer because he was just too old to make the trip to Charan himself. Equipped with this background information, we can now understand Avraham’s strange behavior when he gives his orders to Eliezer:

I will bind you by an oath to G-d, Lord of heaven and earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites… (24:3)

Why the need for an oath? Was Eliezer not a man of his word? Eliezer was the senior servant of Avraham’s household, in charge of everything that he owned (Bereishit 24:2). Moreover, the Talmud tells us that Eliezer was Avraham’s leading disciple and exponent of his master’s teachings (Yoma 28b). Avraham couldn’t trust him to do his bidding without an oath taken in the name of G-d?!

The truth is, Avraham is perfectly confident that Eliezer would do the job faithfully without an oath. There is something else going on here. Avraham is frustrated.

He doesn’t want to send Eliezer; he wants to go himself – but his infirmity won't allow it. So Avraham devises a plan that will transform Eliezer into his own right hand. If Eliezer’s free will could somehow be diminished and his ability to disobey Avraham eliminated, Eliezer would be reduced to nothing more than Avraham’s robot. It would then be considered as if Avraham himself had performed the mitzvah. This was the function of the oath – it forced Eliezer to do Avraham’s bidding. Now Avraham was controlling Eliezer remotely, in effect doing everything himself from the comfort of his wheelchair in Hebron.

Our parsha illustrates Avraham’s passion for mitzvot and his frustration with his inability to perform one. Avraham is not interested in excuses and he is not looking for leniencies. He just wants to do the mitzvah. It is telling that the test of Rivkah is on this very same trait.

When Eliezer arrives in Charan, he asks G-d for help in identifying the right girl. He will ask one of the shepherdesses for a drink and if she volunteers to provide both him and his camels with water, he will know that she is destined for Yitzchak. This is exactly what transpires; the girl offers to draw water for the camels and she does all the work herself – for all ten camels! The interesting thing is that Eliezer has able-bodied men with him who are more than capable to draw the water from the well (cf. 24:32). Rivkah does not ask for their help – she wants to do it all by herself. Little did she know that this demonstration of love for mitzvot would be recorded for all eternity and earn her a place among the matriarchs of Israel. She had an out, but she didn’t want out; she wanted the mitzvah.

There is more. The Midrash tells us that when Rivkah first approached the well, the water miraculously rose up to her (Bereishit Rabba 60:5). The Ramban explains that this teaching is not just a tradition; it is indicated by the text itself. When Rivkah initially went down to the well, the Torah simply states, “she filled her jug” (24:16). However, when she returns a second time to get water for the camels, the Torah says, “she drew water for all his camels” (24:20). The absence of the act of drawing water at her first visit to the well is the source for the Midrashic idea that the water rose up by itself.

The Kedushas Levi (Rabbi Levi Yitzchak Berditchever, 1740-1810) asks the obvious question. If Rivkah is so special that water miraculously rises up for her, why didn’t it happen again the second time?

In light of all that we have learned, the Kedushas Levi’s answer makes good sense. The first time, Rivkah was drawing water for herself. The water rose up in order to spare her the effort of lifting the heavy bucket. The second time, however, Rivkah was doing a mitzvah, getting water for someone in need. G-d did not want to deprive her of the great merit of doing it all by herself, so the water stayed at the bottom of the well.

Like her father-in-law before her, Rivkah knows that there is nothing more fulfilling in life than personally sweating through a mitzvah. Something to think about the next time a mitzvah opportunity presents itself. As in right now.