Dedicated in memory of my grandfather
RABBI YEHUDA LEIB GORDON z"l
on the occasion of his 50th Yorzteit
When Rivkah orders her son Yaakov to deceive his father, present himself as Eisav, and steal the Berachos, Yaakov is nervous. "My bother is a hairy man and I am of smooth skin. Maybe my father will feel me and discover that I am an impostor. I will have then brought a curse upon myself, not a blessing!"
Rivka responds by saying, "Your curse will be on me, my son. Now go and listen to my voice..."
Yaakov brings the goats and Rivka prepares the meat. She then dresses Yaakov in Eisav's clothes and puts the furry goat skin on his arms and neck, just in case Yitzchok would try to feel him. The plan works perfectly and Yaakov gets the Berachos.
Rivkah's response to Yaakov's question is difficult to understand. Her flippant comment about accepting Yitzchok's curse does little to alleviate Yaakov's fear; if anything, it gives the impression that she has no plan at all. Instead of explaining herself, Rivka tells Yaakov to be obedient and follow orders. However, Rivkah does have a plan, and it's a good one. Why doesn't she tell Yaakov what it is upfront?
THE RIGHTEOUS EISAV
Eisav's strong point was his performance of kibbud av, honoring his father. Presumably, Eisav's claim on the Abrahamic birthright and its associated Beracha was not merely due to the fact that he was the eldest son; it was also in the merit of this most fundamental mitzvah, a mitzvah that was a core family value in the house of Avraham.
Eisav's great-grandfather Terach was a kibbud av innovator, the first man in history to name his son (Nachor) after his father (Nachor). This helps us understand why Hashem chose Terach's son Avram to be the father of the Torah Nation, for the survival of Judaism generation after generation depends on kibbud av. Parents are obligated to teach their children Torah, but that is obviously predicated on their children's respect and trust.
Moreover, respect for parents is a basic building block in the education of a child to respect his Creator. This principle finds expression in the Ten Commandments, where kibbud av is bundled on the first tablet together with the laws governing the God/man relationship.
The centrality of kibbud av also explains why Avraham, Yitzchok and Yaakov all insisted on marrying nieces and cousins: kibbud av was a core value in all of Terach's descendants. Only on a foundation of kibbud av could the Torah Nation be built.
Yitzchok elevated kibbud av into his guiding light in life. In virtually everything he did, Yitzchok followed his father's lead. In the end, Yitzchok's life matched Avraham's life. "The two of them walked together." Yitzchok's firstborn son Eisav had his challenges, but he excelled in kibbud av. Undoubtedly, this was a primary factor in Yitzchok's election of Eisav as the next patriarch.
Eisav's great-grandfather Terach was a kibbud av innovator, the first man in history to name his son (Nachor) after his father (Nachor). This helps us understand why Hashem chose Terach's son Avram to be the father of the Torah Nation, for the survival of Judaism generation after generation depends on kibbud av. Parents are obligated to teach their children Torah, but that is obviously predicated on their children's respect and trust.
Moreover, respect for parents is a basic building block in the education of a child to respect his Creator. This principle finds expression in the Ten Commandments, where kibbud av is bundled on the first tablet together with the laws governing the God/man relationship.
The centrality of kibbud av also explains why Avraham, Yitzchok and Yaakov all insisted on marrying nieces and cousins: kibbud av was a core value in all of Terach's descendants. Only on a foundation of kibbud av could the Torah Nation be built.
Yitzchok elevated kibbud av into his guiding light in life. In virtually everything he did, Yitzchok followed his father's lead. In the end, Yitzchok's life matched Avraham's life. "The two of them walked together." Yitzchok's firstborn son Eisav had his challenges, but he excelled in kibbud av. Undoubtedly, this was a primary factor in Yitzchok's election of Eisav as the next patriarch.
Now we understand why Rivkah did not reveal her plan to Yaakov. Rivkah knew that in order to successfully transfer the Berachos to Yaakov, Yaakov would have to compete with Eisav and prove his commitment kibbud av. Explaining her plan would undermine the challenge! Yaakov must submit to his mother's inexplicable command and follow orders faithfully, without protest. Only after performing a sacrificial act of kibbud eim could Yaakov take on the mantle of leader of the Abrahamic dynasty.
At the end of Parshas Toldos, Rashi does some elementary math and discovers that fourteen years are missing from Yaakov's life. When Yaakov meets Pharaoh in Egypt, biblical chronology indicates that he was one hundred and sixteen years old - but Yaakov tells Pharaoh that he is one hundred and thirty. Rashi explains that before going to Charan, Yaakov spent fourteen years learning in the Yeshiva of Shem and Ever.
Rashi goes on to cite a disturbing teaching of the sages. From the time of his arrival in Charan, it was twenty-two years before Yaakov returned home. During this entire period Yaakov failed to observe the mitzvah of kibbud av - and he was punished for that failure. Yaakov's own beloved son Yosef went missing for the exact same amount of time: twenty-two years. However, continues Rashi, Yaakov was not punished for the additional fourteen years he spent in the Yeshiva of Shem and Ever. Although he failed to observe kibbud av for that period, the merit of Torah learning protected him from suffering any consequences (Rashi to 28:9).
This entire teaching is difficult to fathom. Yaakov's parents explicitly told him to leave home and go to Charan to find a wife. Yaakov arrived penniless and had no choice other than to agree to Lavan's terms and work for fourteen years for the hands of Rochel and Leah in marriage. How could he be punished for his inability to honor his parents when he was busy fulfilling their wishes? Wouldn't that itself be the highest form of honoring parents?!
Another question: Why was Yaakov penniless? His parents were wealthy; why didn't they give him money? When Avraham sent his servant Eliezer to find a wife for Yitzchok, he sent him off with ten camels laden with gold and silver. More than that, Avraham formally gifted Yitzchok with his entire estate to make the shidduch more attractive (Rashi to 24:10). How could Yitzchok send off Yaakov empty handed?
Rashi quotes a Midrash. Yaakov actually left home with plenty of money. However, Eisav sent his son Elifaz to pursue and assassinate Yaakov. Elifaz caught up with Yaakov, but he couldn't bring himself to kill him. Trapped between his father's command and morality, Yaakov offered a solution. "Take my money!" A poor man is compared to dead man; by making Yaakov poor, Elifaz could report back that he had "killed" Yaakov (Rashi to 29:11).
Was it really necessary for Yaakov to give away all his much-needed money? Why didn't he just explain to Elifaz that there is no mitzvah of kibbud av when your father asks you to commit a crime?
There is a deeper level of meaning here. Eisav undoubtedly told Elifaz the whole story of how Yaakov lied to their father and stole the blessing of wealth. Elifaz was coming to revenge his father and kill Uncle Yaakov for his inexcusable crime. Yaakov knew this and was defending himself against this accusation. He explained to Elifaz that there are circumstances in life when misleading your own father and stealing from your own brother is actually the right thing to do - even if it results in great personal gain. However, it must be done in a way that is technically honest. A case in point: The right thing for Elifaz to do right now is to steal from his brother (i.e. uncle, cf. Bereishis 12:8) and tell his father that he killed him.
A very different explanation for Yaakov's poverty is proposed by the Ibn Ezra: Yitzchok actually was broke. Somehow he had lost the vast wealth he inherited from his father and he had nothing to give Yaakov.
According to either of these explanations, Yaakov had no choice but to spend years working for Lavan, making it difficult to understand how this would be a violation of kibbud av. However, what if Yaakov chose to be poor? What if Yitzchok did in fact offer Yaakov ten camels laden with gold, but Yaakov turned him down. Strange as it sounds, there multiple rationales for this.
Firstly, taking money from his elderly father would further enrage Eisav. Eisav maintained his claim on the birthright. Taking even a single penny from the estate would be viewed by Eisav as an act of theft from his own forthcoming inheritance. An additional consideration: the Halacha requires that the Kohen Gadol, the High Priest, must be the wealthiest Kohen. If the most qualified candidate is not the wealthiest, then his brethren, his fellow Kohanim, are obligated to chip in and make him the wealthiest. As Yaakov explained to Eisav years earlier, the birthright includes the privilege of offering sacrifices. If Yitzchok would give his wealth to Yaakov, the vindictive Eisav would construe that as the election of Yaakov as the new Kohen Gadol! Sensitive to Eisav's feelings, Yaakov refused to take any money from their father.
Secondly, Yaakov may have wanted the Beracha of wealth to come directly from Hashem, in fulfillment of Yitzchok's words, "God will grant you the dew of heaven and the fat of the earth, and abundant grain and wine..." If Yitzchok gifts Yaakov with wealth, that could potentially undermine and downgrade the divine flow of blessings from heaven.
There is a precedent for this perspective. When Avram was offered the spoils of his own military victory, he refused it.
It is also possible that Yaakov chose to be poor because he did not want to be tested with the challenge of wealth. (For more on this idea, see this post, this post, and this post.)
Regardless of his motivations, if it was Yaakov's own decision to be poor, it becomes a lot easier to understand why he is held accountable for the years spent abroad working for Lavan. Had Yaakov accepted Yitzchok's gold, he could have brought his fiancee Rachel straight back to Israel (just as Eliezer brought Rivkah home one generation earlier) where he would have been able to properly fulfill the mitzvah of kibbud av for twenty-two additional years.
Earlier we explained why kiddud av - Eisav's forte - is the pillar upon which the Mesorah rests. A tradition is only as strong as the respect and honor children have for their parents. "Listen, my son, to the lessons of your father; do not abandon the Torah of your mother." The torch of Torah is passed from one generation to the next through the intermediary of parents.
There is another way for the Mesorah to survive and thrive generation after generation: through a person's own learning. One who labors in Torah merits to be taught Torah by Hashem Himself. "Blessed are you Hashem Who teaches Torah to His nation Israel!" This was the path of Yaakov. Yaakov "sat in the tents" of Shem and Ever and received Torah directly from the source. For Yaakov, honoring parents is secondary.
However, when Yaakov stole Eisav's Beracha, Yaakov's destiny changed. It was not only his brother's blessing that he took; he also took on his brother's mission, and now Yaakov must become the world's leading proponent of kibbud av. It is critical that Yaakov model this path for future generations - ma'aseh avos siman l'bonim - and there is zero tolerance for failure. Observing his parent's instructions to find a wife may be a technical fulfillment of kibbud av, but it is not the kind of kibbud av that Yaakov needs to focus on. Yaakov must serve his father and become his father's student, in the model of Avraham's servant Eliezer, who "drew and gave others to drink from his master's Torah." To accomplish this, Yaakov must be home.
Enroute to Charan, Yaakov offers a prayer: "If God will be with me... and return me in peace to my father's house..." (28:20-21). It is noteworthy that while Hashem always speaks of Yaakov's return to "this land" (28:15) or the "land of your birth" (31:13), Yaakov specifies his father's house. Years later, when Yaakov finally heads home, his father-in-law Lavan knows exactly what is on his mind. "You left because you yearned for your father's house..." (31:30).
For Yaakov, returning to Israel is more about homecoming than dwelling in the Holy Land, and that is because Yaakov's new role requires him to focus on kibbud av. Yaakov thus yearns for his parent's house, where he can care for, and learn from, his father and his mother.
II
At the end of Parshas Toldos, Rashi does some elementary math and discovers that fourteen years are missing from Yaakov's life. When Yaakov meets Pharaoh in Egypt, biblical chronology indicates that he was one hundred and sixteen years old - but Yaakov tells Pharaoh that he is one hundred and thirty. Rashi explains that before going to Charan, Yaakov spent fourteen years learning in the Yeshiva of Shem and Ever.
Rashi goes on to cite a disturbing teaching of the sages. From the time of his arrival in Charan, it was twenty-two years before Yaakov returned home. During this entire period Yaakov failed to observe the mitzvah of kibbud av - and he was punished for that failure. Yaakov's own beloved son Yosef went missing for the exact same amount of time: twenty-two years. However, continues Rashi, Yaakov was not punished for the additional fourteen years he spent in the Yeshiva of Shem and Ever. Although he failed to observe kibbud av for that period, the merit of Torah learning protected him from suffering any consequences (Rashi to 28:9).
This entire teaching is difficult to fathom. Yaakov's parents explicitly told him to leave home and go to Charan to find a wife. Yaakov arrived penniless and had no choice other than to agree to Lavan's terms and work for fourteen years for the hands of Rochel and Leah in marriage. How could he be punished for his inability to honor his parents when he was busy fulfilling their wishes? Wouldn't that itself be the highest form of honoring parents?!
Another question: Why was Yaakov penniless? His parents were wealthy; why didn't they give him money? When Avraham sent his servant Eliezer to find a wife for Yitzchok, he sent him off with ten camels laden with gold and silver. More than that, Avraham formally gifted Yitzchok with his entire estate to make the shidduch more attractive (Rashi to 24:10). How could Yitzchok send off Yaakov empty handed?
Rashi quotes a Midrash. Yaakov actually left home with plenty of money. However, Eisav sent his son Elifaz to pursue and assassinate Yaakov. Elifaz caught up with Yaakov, but he couldn't bring himself to kill him. Trapped between his father's command and morality, Yaakov offered a solution. "Take my money!" A poor man is compared to dead man; by making Yaakov poor, Elifaz could report back that he had "killed" Yaakov (Rashi to 29:11).
Was it really necessary for Yaakov to give away all his much-needed money? Why didn't he just explain to Elifaz that there is no mitzvah of kibbud av when your father asks you to commit a crime?
There is a deeper level of meaning here. Eisav undoubtedly told Elifaz the whole story of how Yaakov lied to their father and stole the blessing of wealth. Elifaz was coming to revenge his father and kill Uncle Yaakov for his inexcusable crime. Yaakov knew this and was defending himself against this accusation. He explained to Elifaz that there are circumstances in life when misleading your own father and stealing from your own brother is actually the right thing to do - even if it results in great personal gain. However, it must be done in a way that is technically honest. A case in point: The right thing for Elifaz to do right now is to steal from his brother (i.e. uncle, cf. Bereishis 12:8) and tell his father that he killed him.
A very different explanation for Yaakov's poverty is proposed by the Ibn Ezra: Yitzchok actually was broke. Somehow he had lost the vast wealth he inherited from his father and he had nothing to give Yaakov.
According to either of these explanations, Yaakov had no choice but to spend years working for Lavan, making it difficult to understand how this would be a violation of kibbud av. However, what if Yaakov chose to be poor? What if Yitzchok did in fact offer Yaakov ten camels laden with gold, but Yaakov turned him down. Strange as it sounds, there multiple rationales for this.
Firstly, taking money from his elderly father would further enrage Eisav. Eisav maintained his claim on the birthright. Taking even a single penny from the estate would be viewed by Eisav as an act of theft from his own forthcoming inheritance. An additional consideration: the Halacha requires that the Kohen Gadol, the High Priest, must be the wealthiest Kohen. If the most qualified candidate is not the wealthiest, then his brethren, his fellow Kohanim, are obligated to chip in and make him the wealthiest. As Yaakov explained to Eisav years earlier, the birthright includes the privilege of offering sacrifices. If Yitzchok would give his wealth to Yaakov, the vindictive Eisav would construe that as the election of Yaakov as the new Kohen Gadol! Sensitive to Eisav's feelings, Yaakov refused to take any money from their father.
Secondly, Yaakov may have wanted the Beracha of wealth to come directly from Hashem, in fulfillment of Yitzchok's words, "God will grant you the dew of heaven and the fat of the earth, and abundant grain and wine..." If Yitzchok gifts Yaakov with wealth, that could potentially undermine and downgrade the divine flow of blessings from heaven.
There is a precedent for this perspective. When Avram was offered the spoils of his own military victory, he refused it.
Avram said to the king of Sodom, "I raise my hand [in an oath] to Hashem, the exalted God, owner of heaven and earth: From a string to a shoelace, would I take anything that is yours?! You shall not say, "I made Avram rich!" (14:22-23)Avram wanted the blessing of wealth to come from Hashem himself and not through a human intermediary; his grandson Yaakov may have felt the same way. (For a fuller treatment of this principle, see this post.)
It is also possible that Yaakov chose to be poor because he did not want to be tested with the challenge of wealth. (For more on this idea, see this post, this post, and this post.)
Regardless of his motivations, if it was Yaakov's own decision to be poor, it becomes a lot easier to understand why he is held accountable for the years spent abroad working for Lavan. Had Yaakov accepted Yitzchok's gold, he could have brought his fiancee Rachel straight back to Israel (just as Eliezer brought Rivkah home one generation earlier) where he would have been able to properly fulfill the mitzvah of kibbud av for twenty-two additional years.
III
Earlier we explained why kiddud av - Eisav's forte - is the pillar upon which the Mesorah rests. A tradition is only as strong as the respect and honor children have for their parents. "Listen, my son, to the lessons of your father; do not abandon the Torah of your mother." The torch of Torah is passed from one generation to the next through the intermediary of parents.
There is another way for the Mesorah to survive and thrive generation after generation: through a person's own learning. One who labors in Torah merits to be taught Torah by Hashem Himself. "Blessed are you Hashem Who teaches Torah to His nation Israel!" This was the path of Yaakov. Yaakov "sat in the tents" of Shem and Ever and received Torah directly from the source. For Yaakov, honoring parents is secondary.
However, when Yaakov stole Eisav's Beracha, Yaakov's destiny changed. It was not only his brother's blessing that he took; he also took on his brother's mission, and now Yaakov must become the world's leading proponent of kibbud av. It is critical that Yaakov model this path for future generations - ma'aseh avos siman l'bonim - and there is zero tolerance for failure. Observing his parent's instructions to find a wife may be a technical fulfillment of kibbud av, but it is not the kind of kibbud av that Yaakov needs to focus on. Yaakov must serve his father and become his father's student, in the model of Avraham's servant Eliezer, who "drew and gave others to drink from his master's Torah." To accomplish this, Yaakov must be home.
Nonetheless, as long as Yaakov remains in the tents of Shem and Ever studying Torah, he is exempt from kibbud av. In the Beis Medrash, Yaakov's original identity comes to the fore. There Hashem teaches him Torah, and the need to learn from his father fades. But the moment Yaakov leaves the Beis Medrash and sets out to do Eisav's work in the fields abroad, the service of kibbud av becomes imperative, and no excuses are accepted.
Enroute to Charan, Yaakov offers a prayer: "If God will be with me... and return me in peace to my father's house..." (28:20-21). It is noteworthy that while Hashem always speaks of Yaakov's return to "this land" (28:15) or the "land of your birth" (31:13), Yaakov specifies his father's house. Years later, when Yaakov finally heads home, his father-in-law Lavan knows exactly what is on his mind. "You left because you yearned for your father's house..." (31:30).
For Yaakov, returning to Israel is more about homecoming than dwelling in the Holy Land, and that is because Yaakov's new role requires him to focus on kibbud av. Yaakov thus yearns for his parent's house, where he can care for, and learn from, his father and his mother.
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